I’m about to brag on myself Uriah and Joey a little
bit. So I should probably start by saying that I make mistakes as a parent
daily. Sometimes I spend too much time on my phone. Sometimes I give my kids
chicken nuggets for dinner two nights in a row (or three). Sometimes I forget
to put Chandlor’s appointments on my calendar and I wish I could hug the little
robot who calls me and reminds me. Sometimes I can hardly wait until bedtime
because I will finally get a few minutes to myself. Sometimes I am envious of
Uriah because he can sit on the couch and watch TV without being pounced on and
asked 561 questions :)
Okay
now that I have aired a considerable amount of my dirty laundry I don’t feel as
bad about giving us a pat on the back.
Y’all
co-parenting is NOT that hard. You just have to act like an adult. That is really
all that it takes. Have some respect for someone whom you obviously cared for
at some point in time and put your child/ren first. It is that simple.
It
irks me to get on social media and see parents bashing one another for the
world to see. Handle that business behind closed doors! I feel like sometimes
people think that mine Joey and Uriah’s “arrangement” has always been butterflies
and rainbows. It hasn’t. In the beginning it was really hard. We just chose to
have those disagreements privately and now we are better for that. We rarely
have disagreements and I credit that largely to keeping the hard stuff between
Joey myself and Uriah.
If
Joey were to decide tomorrow that he didn’t want to pay child support (don’t
get any ideas Joey!) our custody agreement would remain the same. Would it be
right for him to not support his child? No. Would it be fair for Uriah and me
to take care of Chandlor financially on our own? No. Would it upset me? Yes!
Absolutely. But guess who would hurt the most if I decided to limit Joey’s
interaction with Chandlor? Chandlor!! It is the children who get the raw end of
the deal. And if you think they don’t know or won’t figure out one day what you
have done, you are wrong. If Chandlor is going to resent me one day I want for
it to be because the “chocolate milk” I give him every night doesn’t actually
have any chocolate in it at all :) not because I kept him from his daddy for my
own petty reasons.
I
understand that every situation is different. I know that in a lot of ways I
hit the lottery with Uriah and Joey. I can see how it would be very difficult
to be these things for someone who wasn’t willing to be these things for you
and your child, but I still recommend that you try. Sometimes being the bigger
person and taking initiative is enough to get someone else to change too. There
are also situations where keeping your child from their parent is unfortunately
best for their mental and physical well-being. Sometimes the bad stuff is just
completely out of your control and that is heartbreaking.
Joey,
Uriah and I are very good friends. We have dinner together. We go to Chandlor’s
doctor’s appointments together. We make medical decisions about Chandlor
together. We work around each other’s schedules so that no one misses the time
that they deserve with that precious rotten little boy that we all love so
much. We even kind of sort of went on a vacation together. I’m not saying that
you have to take it this far, I’m just asking you to try! I promise if you make
it about your child it is so very easy. Don’t talk badly about their parent in
their presence and don’t keep them from their other parent. It is really that
simple.
This
is me getting off my soap box now. Please know that I know that I am not
perfect. FAR from it. Oh and by the way neither are Joey or Uriah ;) but we do
try very hard to put Chandlor first and it has become so easy over the years.
If we can do it so can you.
