Momma guilt

We received some great news yesterday! According to a Level 2 Ultrasound and a Harmony test our sweet little girl should be healthy. Theoretically (according to genetics anyway) if we were to have a girl she would be healthy if we were to have a boy there was a 50% chance that he would be healthy and a 50% chance that he would not be healthy. We have known that she was a girl since I was 16 weeks pregnant so for the most part we had ruled out any issues. Our doctor recommended (and we agreed) that we should have the extra testing done just to make certain everything was okay.  If there were even a small chance that she would have issues we wanted to deliver at UAMS so that she would be close to AR Children’s hospital.

Before we knew we were having a girl I was obviously hoping for a healthy baby. This thought made me feel guilty. Chandlor is awesome! He is perfect in every single way possible…wishing for anything but him just seems wrong. How can I say “Chandlor you were lots of fun, but I would really like to have a healthy baby this time.” I feel like that discredits him on so many levels. However, hoping for an unhealthy baby clearly makes me feel guilty as well for very obvious reasons. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish that Chandlor could do everything that a “normal” toddler does.  In saying that… I’m not going to pretend like I didn’t think about how neat it would be for Chandlor to have a companion…someone just like him to share his life and struggles with…another guilty thought. So very confusing.

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense...I definitely hope that it does not offend anyone or give them the wrong impression. I am so happy and thankful that we are having a healthy baby! This is what I have wanted and hoped  and prayed for throughout my entire pregnancy. However, I have learned that having an unhealthy baby does not mean that your world..or their world has to end. We would have been happy and very blessed either way.